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September 14, 2011 Nicolette Toussaint, draft 1 Nicolette Toussaint Newsweek is the a writer, a painter, a slapdash housekeeper, and an gardener. She lost her hearing to pneumonia as a baby if she want to watch TV. She could put her head between the speakers and turn the volume up. She could hear jets at the airports she could hear her mom when she was in the same room. She could even hear her cat purr if she put her good ear right on top of him. She wasn’t of not hearing until she had a hearing aid at the age of 30. It shattered her peace she hear she hear shoe creaking, papers crackling, pencils tapping, phone ringing, refrigerators humming, people cracking knuckles, clearing throats, blowing noses, cars, bikes, dog, cats, kid all seemed to appear from nowhere and fly right at me. She didn’t want to tell people that she had hearing lost. she don’t care if people ask her if she deaf or not. She want people to ask her. She think it important to ask. She read lips when people speak. She don’t want people to yell at the same room. It important because it can tell people that is nothing wrong with Deaf people
September 20, 2011
Nicolette Toussaint, draft 2 Nicolette Toussaint is a writer, she write in the Newsweek magazine about being deaf. She is qualified because she lost her hearing when she was a baby. When she was a child, she like them testing her ears because she had all the adult paying attention to her. she was hiding her hearing loss because she felt unequal, disadvantaged and disabled. she didn’t like hearing aid because it too many noise at the same time. her friend said that it was rude not to tell people that she has hearing loss and it will be better to tell them.”We are all temporarily abled” it mean that body or thing will change soon. It important because it tell all the deaf/hard of hearing people that we are not perfect.
Hi Darren, You have a few mistakes in this essay. Please check your punctuation and capitalization. Also, the last sentence needs to be more clear. Overall, THIS ESSAY IS GREAT and a very good improvement over the first draft. Bravo, Darren! Ms. A.
September 14, 2011
Nicolette Toussaint, draft 1
Nicolette Toussaint Newsweek is the a writer, a painter, a slapdash housekeeper, and an gardener. She lost her hearing to pneumonia as a baby if she want to watch TV. She could put her head between the speakers and turn the volume up. She could hear jets at the airports she could hear her mom when she was in the same room. She could even hear her cat purr if she put her good ear right on top of him. She wasn’t of not hearing until she had a hearing aid at the age of 30. It shattered her peace she hear she hear shoe creaking, papers crackling, pencils tapping, phone ringing, refrigerators humming, people cracking knuckles, clearing throats, blowing noses, cars, bikes, dog, cats, kid all seemed to appear from nowhere and fly right at me. She didn’t want to tell people that she had hearing lost. she don’t care if people ask her if she deaf or not. She want people to ask her. She think it important to ask. She read lips when people speak. She don’t want people to yell at the same room. It important because it can tell people that is nothing wrong with Deaf people
September 20, 2011
Nicolette Toussaint, draft 2
Nicolette Toussaint is a writer, she write in the Newsweek magazine about being deaf. She is qualified because she lost her hearing when she was a baby. When she was a child, she like them testing her ears because she had all the adult paying attention to her. she was hiding her hearing loss because she felt unequal, disadvantaged and disabled. she didn’t like hearing aid because it too many noise at the same time. her friend said that it was rude not to tell people that she has hearing loss and it will be better to tell them.”We are all temporarily abled” it mean that body or thing will change soon. It important because it tell all the deaf/hard of hearing people that we are not perfect.
Hi Darren,
You have a few mistakes in this essay. Please check your punctuation and capitalization. Also, the last sentence needs to be more clear.
Overall, THIS ESSAY IS GREAT and a very good improvement over the first draft. Bravo, Darren!
Ms. A.